Spring, 2005 Issue

Tia Tutang Special

We met Tia Tutang at the inaugaration/blessing of the new La Residencia Tanjay. Palami dayon mi'g estorya.    Napa jud niya:
‘Dock, matar, na-a gyu’y pedicab akong suki nga ang tag-iya si Mr Olis. Sa luyo sa sidecar, na-ay daku niyang ngalan “OLIS”.   Unya sa tupad, duha ka gagmay’ng “calm” ug “bright”.   Ambi, kasabut ka’g ngano?
Ang ipasabut ana, she continued ready to burst laughing, nagkanta na siya ug Silent Night: “Ooolis calm, Oooolis bright …!”
Ha, ha, ha , baling katawa namo!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Dodette Garcia Special

“Ako, Butch,” I told Dodette, “ ug maka-inum ko’g kape, di ko katulog.”

“Ako, Brad,” tubag ni Dodette, “ug maka-tulog ko, di ko kainu’g kape”.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Dr. Ernesto S. Colina Special

    I had just discharged a cantankerous, fiesty old man from the hospital after an Inguinal Herniorrhaphy and I politely accompanied him to the business dept. of the hospital to sign some papers for medicare payment. It was Sr Isabel who was in charge of the dept (another cantankerous creature.)
The older man just continued walking towards the exit door of the lobby and Sr Isabel just shouted at him, "Young man, come back here, you got papers to sign" He in turn barked at her, "I ain't signing no papers. I have a spinster nun sister who lives in up state New York, you send those papers to her and let her sign it, you have the same feathers".   Sr Isabel was really furious. "How dare you! she is not a spinster, she is married to God".
The old man just smiled coyly and paused. "Send those papers then to my brother in law".
    (Ed’s note: Dr Colina is the same NestoColina who claims he came home last year in search of his “destiny” but instead lived a lonely “ monastic” life in Tanjay for 6 months. Ladies, what happened? See pg 2.)

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sanie Silva-Gonzales Special

Bana: Baling katalana nang inyong DI. Ti-aw mo ng
nanugilon siya nga ang mga asawa kono –
kamong tanan kono, nanga-ibog niya. Usa ra
gyud kono’y wala niya ma-remedyo!
Asawa: Ah, kadto tingali si Cindy, kay permeng
gi-gwardiya-han sa iyang bana. (Ooops ..!!!!!)

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Engr Oscar Gayo Special

“Patsada kaayo ng sinina nimo!”
“Sa UK baya ni gikan.”
“Yati ra! UK? United Kingdom? Sa England?”
“Dili. UK-UK” (that’s how they pronounce ukay-ukay in Tanjay).

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

This is a true story, kono.

Diha’y Amerkano didto sa Tanjay, gasuroy-suroy. Ning sulod sa barberohan ni Manoy Gonyong, nagpa-a lot. Lipay ug proud kaayo si Gonyong – amerkano na gud na! Paghuman ug alot, iyang gipaling ang silya aron masahi-an. Nakatulog ang Amerkano sa kahimo-ot. Tapus sa masahi, wala gyud intawon pukawa ni 'Noy Gonyong, gipasagdan lang niya ang Amerkano pagkatulog. Human niya ipadaplin ang gunting ug polbos, iyang giba-id ang iyang labaha aron hipuson. Na-alimukawan ang