So far, you have regaled us with the antics of only two members of the Marcos Menagerie -- Hadrian of the Department of Elegance [Andiran Cristobal] and Gregorian of the Department of Enlightenment [Greg Cendana]. And yet, there are so many other pets of Mr. Marcos whose activities (real or imagined) would be far more interesting to your readers.

Consider the following:

With the economy in such shambles, what are the plans and projections of Joe the Beau Fernandez [Jobo Fernandez], Victim Valdepenas [Vicente Valdepenas], Bobby the Wrong [Bobby Ongpin], Money Alba [Manny Alba], and Cesar Berated [Cesar Virata]? Do Hostess Aspiras [Jose Aspiras] and Sylvia Demented still quarrel over the morality of certain ways of raising foreign exchange?

And with less money in the till, what does Hisses Hipolito [Jess Hipolito] plan to do about public works; when can Pepe the Dunce [Pepe Dans] do anything about transport and communications; how can Salivator Escudero [Salvador Escudero] get any projects going in agriculture; can Joe the Assuring [Joe Azurin] do anything about health; does Aimless Javier [Emil Javier] forget about science and technology; and is there any way in which Blas Hopeless [Blas Ople] can raise employment?

With teachers up in arms, what are the latest schemes of Jimmy the Liar [Jimmy Laya]? Is there any place in these schemes for Hermie the Dumb [Hermie Dumlao] and Abraham the Flip [Abraham Felipe] -- the two subalterns inherited from Odious Corpus [OD Corpuz]?

How does Joe the Erroneous [Joe Rono] rationalize the three positions held by Estelito Mendacious [Estelito Mendoza]? Was this rationalization cleared at the Palace with Jake the Club [Jacobo Clave] and Johnny the Tuber [Johnny Tuvera]? Who will pen the court decision on this issue - Eeky Fernando [Enrique Fernando] or Teehankee the Clod [Claudio Teehankee]? Will Ardor Tolentino [Arturo Tolentino] and his deputy, Pacifico the Castrate [Pacifico Castro] comment on the constitutional issues involved?

On the military side, how does Fabian the Bare [Fabian Ver] view Ramos the Infidel [Fidel Ramos]? Where do Josephus the Ass [Jesephus Ramas], Ochoco the Brilliant, and Vicente Officious, Jr. [Vicente Piccio] stand in all this? And what are the latest thoughts of Johnny the Fonz [Juan Ponce Enrile]?

The person who has all the answers to these questions is the man who has tapped all the telephones and bugged all offices -- the National Bureau of Investigation’s Jolly the Bug [Jolly Bugarin] (who is not to be confused with the far more famous Jolly the Bane [Jolly Benitez]).

RUBEN N. MUEGO

Ed:  Names in brackets have been surmised to the best of our ability. Comments from Jimmy Ong: "here are my guesses. Can't place Sylvia Demented and Ochoco the Brilliant, although the latter was probably the head of the Navy at that time, since Ramas was army commander and Piccio was with the airforce."