xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Vol 1, Num 6 (Nov - Dec, 1996) Page 5 ANG TANJAYANON NEWSLETTER

Pangutana: Unsa ma'y hinapon (Japanese) sa nabya-an sa aeroplano?

Tubag: Wakasakai.

(Contributed by Ms. Florame R. Lu Do, Cebu City)

.-0-0-0-0-0-

. Nag-hisgut kami ni Sonny Mercado kabahin sa retirement ug ni-ingon siya nga ang atong guipa-abut nga pension kuyaw-kuyaw kaayo kay matud pa kono nila hapit na ma-bankrupt ang Social Security. He read it somewhere nga may nag-ingon nga: Social Security is like sex. By the time you get it you wonder if it was worth waiting for.

.-0-0-0-0-0-

Nanghambug to Si Rene ag sa usang semana. Ni-ingon siya (Rene Gutierrez) nga 'sweet" kaayo ang iyang Linda (Banogon) basta magbinut-an siya, mopauli siya'g sayo magabi-i, labina gyud ug "if I do my household duties." Ang tawag ni Linda niya kono "Lang", as in Langga, Palangga. "Apan usa-hay mo-abut man gud nang akong ka-buang, dugay kong mopa-uli, magtinapulan ko "Bitaw, unya unsa ma'y tawag ni Linda nimo?" "Aw, 'Lang' man guihapon, apan 'Lang', as in langsa, bahong isda!" "As in Langto, pa gyud"' misagbat si Linda nga naminaw di-ay.

.-0-0-0-0-0-

Nahinumdum ba mo atong tigulang nga Insik nga hapit na mamatay so gui-alirongan na siya sa asawa ug sa pito ka mga anak, unya miingon ang iyang asawang naghilak, ni-a ming tanan aron pag-unong kanimo sa katapusang mga gutlo sa imong kinabuhi dinhi sa kalibutan; mao to nga mihinay kaayo ug buka ang nagpiyong niyang mga mata, guitinagsa ug tan-aw ng iyang asawa ug pito ka mga anak, ug sa nagkurog nga tingog, mi-ingon siya, ni-a kamo tanan, kinsa man gabantay tindahan? (Yes, very long sentence. Please breathe after semi-colon.) Well, namatay gyod intawon 'tong Insika. Apan sa wala pa siya mamatay, guipangutana siya sa iyang asawa: "Syongho, (may ngalan di-ay tong insika to), asa man di-ay unya ka palubong intawon?" Mitubag si Syongho, "Eskina Bonifacia duol simbahan, duol Park Cafe". (Park Cafe - taga-Tanjay di-ay ni si Syongho.)

"Sus, kasamok anang lugara. Daghan ka-ayong tawong ga-agi-agi buntag ug gabi-i. Na-a pay Park Cafe, ga bayle kada Byernes. Nganong anha man gyud dihang dapita?" Tubag ni Syongho, "Kay ako tukod tindahan."

Anyway, namatay gyod si Syongho. Ang iyang kalag kono mipanaw ngadto sa usa ka lugar uban sa libo ka libong mga kalag nag-estambay nagpa-abut sa ilang eternal destination. Gahulat sa ilang interview. Pila may estorya, gui-interbyu na si Syongho. Ang ga-interbyu si San Vicente. (Ambut nganong San Vicente, nga basta estoryang ingon ni-ini si San Pedro man gyod unta ang interbyuwer.) Ingon ni San Vicente, "Mr Syongho Wee" (paryente di-ay ni siya ni Mensang, kadto bang may restawran sa una didto sa ato) "ani-ay duha ka dalan sa eternity. Kining sa tu-o, mao ni dalan pa-ingon sa langit, ug kaning sa wala mao ni ang dalan paingon sa impyerno. Magpili ka asa mopuyo, kay kini hangtud sa kahangturan." Dugay-dugay'ng nakatubag si Syongho. Taud-taud, ni-ingon siya, "Puede ba, Mr. San Vicente, dinhi crossing ako puyo?"

"Sa Crossing?" hapit gyud nakasyaggit si San Vicente, "Ngano man?" "Kay ako tukod tindahan," na-ulaw si Syongho. Note: This is not an ethnic joke because Syongho is a Tanjayanon) Contributed by Ms Florame R. Lu Do, Cebu City (thru Tita Gorospe)

-o-o-o-o-o-

. In our last issue we featured 5 very lovely Kund-A-Tans who were caught on camera in sheer ecstacy as they welcomed their fellow Tanjayanons during the 3-day fiesta affair. We captioned the picture "katawang wa gyuy pugong-pugong Here's a Fax we received from Estella Navarro in San Francisco:

'Bantay gyud mo kay midangop na ako ug abogado (wala siya'y, lisensya) aron ikiha namo ang Tanjoyanon Newsletter for $1,OOO,OOO kay ngano mang guipublish ninyo ang among walay angay nga retrato nga bali nakong tamboka unya nakita pa gyud ang akong langag-ngag".

-o-o-o-o-o-

Dear Estella, midangop usab kami sa among abogado (wala pud ni siya'y lisensya) ug mitambag siya nga dili na lang ninyo iparayon ang inyong kiha kay ato na lang gamiton kanang $l,OOO,OOO para ipakyaw ug aeroplano aron ta maka-uban sa Balik-Tanjay karong July, 1997... ang subra ipa-enroll sa Jenny Craig aron mo-lami ang inyong mga langag-ngag.

.-o-o-o-o-o-

. Also in the last issue we had to reproduce the now famous "Tanjay Oblation" (featuring Pablito Manapol in all his glory) at the urgent request of a "Ms Liberated Woman" who was amused and fascinated "beyond my wildest dreams", kono. Two weeks ago, we received this letter from the obviously "honored" Pablito. We furnished a copy to Ms LW, and got her OK to publish this letter "as long as you don't mention my name." So here goes Pablito's letter.

Vol 1, Num 6 (Nov - Dec, 1996) Page 6 ANG TANJAYANON NEWSLETTER

( (Braddock 'ting, mao ni akong reply niadiong Liberated Woman nga mihangyo nga ipapublish ug usob tong akong retrato di-in ako nagkarsones lamang ug usa ka bo-ok dahon sa palm tree. Unya mihangyo pa gayud ang maldita nga ipa-enlarge pa gyud aron kono maklaro. Sus, kong kundatana!)

Dear Ms Liberaled Woman, first of all I thank you for admiring my "oblation" photo. (Looking at my pants which are not there, my friends call me The Unibomber.) Now here is my MRI to your questions: I am single when out of the house and become double when at home (my wife's bakya is made of iron.) I am an HIV positive (Don't be afraid: HIV means my hair is vanishing.) but I always carry a comb and I can 't leave home without it (just like the American Express). 1 work for the Giant Food & Drug (Pharmacy Dept) and my boss likes me because I sample all the drugs to make sure they are effective and not poisonous. No insurance will accept me because they think I don't have job security. You ask how old I am? Well, it’s enough-enough only (Brad, mao ba na'y iningles sa igo -igo ra?) I am not as young as I used to be, but, my golly, deep down and under and all the time. I sure feel like one, baby. (Agoroy'ng lami-a!!! Brad, makasabut ba ni siya ug binisaya?) Ms LW, I want to send you another picture with this letter, but unfortunately I already closed the envelope (?!?).

-0-0-o-o-O-o-

Kadtong Levels of Connection Theory ni Ramon Gil (anak nilang Danny ug Badingding) who now resides in New York has intrigued many of our readers. The theory is premised on the fact that you can be connected with anybody anywhere in the world in as little as six levels. For example, Ramon is connected with the Pope because he has an uncle (Msgr Raval) who is a bishop and who has met the Pope. So he traces his connection with the Pope in only three levels. So to answer our question in the last issue, Tanjayanons can trace their connection with the Queen of England, in four levels, thusly: they know their congressman, Mike Romero, whose uncle Hon Jose E Romero was former Philippine Ambassador to the Court of St James in London, and who had audience with the Queen of England.

Apan si Pablito miingon nga ang mga Tanjayanons can trace their connections with Princess Di in only 2 levels. How? This way: Princess Di is bolemic, and all Tanjayanons are bolemic, so only 2 levels. Nangutana ko ug unsa may bolemic. Niingon si Pablito: kana konong kusog moka-on ug isdang bolinaw.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Disclaimer: This anecdote comes all the way from Canada, and because we are innocent and did not get the joke, we submitted this for review to the self-appointed instant Board of Censors composed of (in alphabetical order) Alice, Badingding, Falang, Fern, Gigi, Hati, Jean, Lillian, Marrianne, and Quirining. After a loud buhakhak, their unanimous verdict was: Passed, with a special award for honesty. So here it is:

During the reunion of the Southern Islands School of Nursing hosted by Mr & Mrs Elpi Culi in Richmond, BC gui-hisgutan nila ang ilang mga ka-buang niadtong mga malipayong adlaw sa student nurses pa sila. They recalled those days talking about their future and fantasizing on their concept of an ideal man they hope to marry someday. Ning-ingon kono to si Linda Morante: Ang akong gusto kanang accountant. Ngano man? nangutana sila. "Kay ang Accountant sige rang enter ng enter", bali konong pangatawa nila. Ang akong gusto kanang accountant. Ngano man? nangutana sila. "Kay ang Accountant sige rang enter ng enter", bali konong pangatawa nila.

"Ako," ning-ingon si Sonia Mira, "kana gyung doctor. Ngano? Kay and doctor inject ng inject." Katawa na pud to sila.

Then it was Myrna's turn. "Ako, ang akong pili-on kanang engineer. Ngano? Tungod kay ang engineer sige rang erect ng erect". Kagiki kono sila'g pangatawa.

Wa sila kahibalo nga diha di-ay usa ka classmate nila nga naminaw, unya misagbat, "Uy mga haral man diay mo! Bahala na mo ug unsa'y inyong gusto. Basta ako, ang ako gyung pili-on kana gyung taga-Tanjay." "Ngano man?" hapit sila magdungan ug pangutana. "Kay kanang mga taga-Tanjay gahi na sila'g mga dila!!!!" Hugyaw gyud sila ...

(P.S. Linda Morante married Pete Orcullo, an accountant. Sonia Mira married Manuel Ochoa, a doctor. Myrna Banogon married Elpi Culi, an engineer. And they live happy and very contented lives, kono. About that classmate? Well, she was a very smart girl and went on to become a doctor. Did she get a Tanjayanon? No, you cannot have everything! Where is she now? "The last time I heard," ning-ingon si Elpi, "she joined a medical mission to Ethiopia, or some East African country, and worked in a hospital there. She is now the head of the Department that specializes in adult circumcision". Baling gwatsinangguha ni's Elpi.)

Here's a letter from a very pretty Baby (Ophelia Oracion-Yabut) writing from Detroit, Michigan:

Kumusta ang mga Tanjayanon. Kami diri, we enjoy reading the Newsletter, particularly the Tanjayanon’s very own "style of jokes". We are indeed unique. Great! We’re sorry we missed the fiesta, but sa sunod na lang nga tuig pohon pa-abu-ton, maayong lawas. Inday Velyn (her sister Dr Evelyn Oracion-Ong) was here for a visit. . . I'm sure ni agik-ik gyud to'g maayo si Manong Nene (her brother Dr Vivencio Oracion, Jr) pagkakita niya sa retrato sa iyang classmate nga si Pablito. Pareho silang HIV, but at least si Manong Nene still wears pants (ha, ha, ha.)... Uy, mo-uban baya gyud mi sa Balik Tanjay, 97. Please keep us posted of the latest developments, and please let us nurses know what we can do for the medical mission. (Paging Dr Enting Batiancilla. . .) As I close, here is my entry to the Mystery Picture Contest. Ang duha ka gagmay 'ng mga bata mao sila si Dr Boy ug Engr Iking Cariño (who now sleep with grandmothers.)

-0-0-0-0-0-

Here are excerpts trom a letter sent to us by Dr Hector Fernandez (nga dugay ng wala maka-uli sa Tanjay):

I have been here in Witchita (Kansas) for the last 20 years, and so far, we are only 2 Tanjayanons here: Dr. Mario Mercader and myself. The other night we had dinner at his house and he was very proud and excited to show a copy of the July-August issue of the Newsletter. I was so thrilled and spent most of the evening reading every word in it, giggling and enjoying every moment of this wonderful link to our fellow Tanjayanons here and back there in our beloved hometown halfway around the world. . . Inday Rue (Sibala) and I are in contact and we spend some hours talking about famous Tanjay personalities of yesteryears, like Jessel Amel, Insoy'ng Buruka, Isko Barako, Kadoy Awa, and others... Ni-ay anecdote Si Mario: One day sakay Si Kadoy sa The Flame paingon sa Pamplona.

Back to Front Page | To Page 7